A few things I've learned (but do not hate!) about the Bordelais
1. The women never, EVER seem to be cold.
When I leave the house in the morning to go to school, dressed in every single piece of clothing I have yet feeling so cold that I mentally kick myself for not having turned my duvet into an avant-garde parka, I pass the french mademoiselles wearing miniskirts and T-shirts, nonchalantly smoking a Gaulois as if we were on Copacabana beach instead of (from my point of view in any case) the North Pole that is Bordeaux in winter.
I just don't know how they do it.
2. Politeness is just another useless invention of the English speaking world,
along with Marmite and spray-on cheese. The same goes for the phrases excuse me, I'm sorry, and is that YOUR foot I'm standing on?
3. The beggars ask for your little finger, and become almost indignant when you don't offer your whole hand and both legs as well.
I try as often as possible to give a little something, even though (given the end-of-the-world situation in Iceland) the only thing that separates me from them is a truckload of schoolbooks. But no matter how much I give, they always turn sour when they see that I haven't slipped car keys or a check that would put Ed McMahon to shame into their bowl.
Some people are just impossible to please.
4. They've all got an impressive réseau, and they're not afraid to use it.
Réseau would translate as "klika" in Icelandic or "network" in English, and is taken advantage of in every aspect of life. So it is merely a matter of who you know whether you get elected president, find a job or get to eat in the university canteen.
It often seems to me that the only people standing in line, waiting to be fed in the canteen are me and the rest of the foreigners at D.E.F.L.E.
The French just do a "réseau".
5. Once a Bordelais steps on the tram, that is it. He/she doesn't budge for the rest of the journey.
Which is why, at rush hour, it is not uncommon to see huddled around the entrances of the tram about a hundred people or so in a tight bundle as if trying to start some kind of a vertical orgy. A few steps further away from the doors, a few forlorn souls stretch their legs comfortably in an area intially destined for the "entrance-lovers".
I don't know the reason for this, the French do like intimacy though, but my theory is that everyone stays close to the entrance to be able to escape quickly when the ticket controllers arrive, because everybody's too cheap to buy a ticket.
Which is exactly why I join the vertical orgy each morning myself...
6. E-mail for the Bordelais is what the electric foot massage machine was for the Icelanders.
Everybody's got one, but nobody seems to know how to use it.
7. "Sure I'll call you back, don't worry," really means "Maybe in the next life, you gullible fool." I think I prefer direct insults à la Scandinave, thank you very much.
8. Bordeaux is the capital of paradox when it comes to the women.
In Bordeaux you will find hordes of the world's most beautiful women. With their white teeth, immaculate skin, slender physique and legs as long as Iceland's road to recovery, these graceful gazelles smoke like chimneys, eat more sweets than a tribe of Cookie Monsters and their consumption of saturated fats keeps the cardiology doctors in the South-West busy as.
Again, I just don't know how they do it.
9. Their love for paperwork almost exceeds their love for the country.
The Bordelais are never happier than when they can throw in your face a dozen pages for you til fill out, attestations to sign, permits to get from abroad and photocopies of your parent's will, even if all you wanted was to get a haircut or a student discount at the movies.
After having provided all the information needed and given it to them, they look at you with a smug smile and tell you that it will take a few days for them to "reflect a little" and take long lunch breaks while they're at it. How I miss the good ol' spit n' shake hands method of Australia!
10. People are wrong when they say that the French don't eat in between meals.
In Bordeaux, they snack on each other's faces.
11. Today is a gift - that's why they call it the présent.
This is the motto of the Bordelais, as it is evident that they try to make the most of each day and enjoy life to the fullest. Everywhere you lookyou see happy couples attempting to eat each other at the train stop, old men outside a café loudly discussing politics and slowly sealing their destinies with filterless cigarettes, old ladies hand in hand choosing the fattiest steak or the bloodiest brain at the butcher's, in short, people taking pleasure in every day life and what ever the everyday life has to offer, exciting or not.
All of this has grown on me and I've come to admire. Although there are certain things that the Bordelais can keep to themselves (like blowing one's nose in public and then examining the results as if it were the numbers of tonight's lottery), I think the Icelanders could learn a lot from them. Public toilets free of charge and red wine and cheeses in the IKEA canteen would be a good place to start!
If inspiration seeks me out again, then I will continue in the same manner with A few things I've learned about Icelanders during my exile. So stay tuned....
Over and out,
Good Run
1. The women never, EVER seem to be cold.
When I leave the house in the morning to go to school, dressed in every single piece of clothing I have yet feeling so cold that I mentally kick myself for not having turned my duvet into an avant-garde parka, I pass the french mademoiselles wearing miniskirts and T-shirts, nonchalantly smoking a Gaulois as if we were on Copacabana beach instead of (from my point of view in any case) the North Pole that is Bordeaux in winter.
I just don't know how they do it.
2. Politeness is just another useless invention of the English speaking world,
along with Marmite and spray-on cheese. The same goes for the phrases excuse me, I'm sorry, and is that YOUR foot I'm standing on?
3. The beggars ask for your little finger, and become almost indignant when you don't offer your whole hand and both legs as well.
I try as often as possible to give a little something, even though (given the end-of-the-world situation in Iceland) the only thing that separates me from them is a truckload of schoolbooks. But no matter how much I give, they always turn sour when they see that I haven't slipped car keys or a check that would put Ed McMahon to shame into their bowl.
Some people are just impossible to please.
4. They've all got an impressive réseau, and they're not afraid to use it.
Réseau would translate as "klika" in Icelandic or "network" in English, and is taken advantage of in every aspect of life. So it is merely a matter of who you know whether you get elected president, find a job or get to eat in the university canteen.
It often seems to me that the only people standing in line, waiting to be fed in the canteen are me and the rest of the foreigners at D.E.F.L.E.
The French just do a "réseau".
5. Once a Bordelais steps on the tram, that is it. He/she doesn't budge for the rest of the journey.
Which is why, at rush hour, it is not uncommon to see huddled around the entrances of the tram about a hundred people or so in a tight bundle as if trying to start some kind of a vertical orgy. A few steps further away from the doors, a few forlorn souls stretch their legs comfortably in an area intially destined for the "entrance-lovers".
I don't know the reason for this, the French do like intimacy though, but my theory is that everyone stays close to the entrance to be able to escape quickly when the ticket controllers arrive, because everybody's too cheap to buy a ticket.
Which is exactly why I join the vertical orgy each morning myself...
6. E-mail for the Bordelais is what the electric foot massage machine was for the Icelanders.
Everybody's got one, but nobody seems to know how to use it.
7. "Sure I'll call you back, don't worry," really means "Maybe in the next life, you gullible fool." I think I prefer direct insults à la Scandinave, thank you very much.
8. Bordeaux is the capital of paradox when it comes to the women.
In Bordeaux you will find hordes of the world's most beautiful women. With their white teeth, immaculate skin, slender physique and legs as long as Iceland's road to recovery, these graceful gazelles smoke like chimneys, eat more sweets than a tribe of Cookie Monsters and their consumption of saturated fats keeps the cardiology doctors in the South-West busy as.
Again, I just don't know how they do it.
9. Their love for paperwork almost exceeds their love for the country.
The Bordelais are never happier than when they can throw in your face a dozen pages for you til fill out, attestations to sign, permits to get from abroad and photocopies of your parent's will, even if all you wanted was to get a haircut or a student discount at the movies.
After having provided all the information needed and given it to them, they look at you with a smug smile and tell you that it will take a few days for them to "reflect a little" and take long lunch breaks while they're at it. How I miss the good ol' spit n' shake hands method of Australia!
10. People are wrong when they say that the French don't eat in between meals.
In Bordeaux, they snack on each other's faces.
11. Today is a gift - that's why they call it the présent.
This is the motto of the Bordelais, as it is evident that they try to make the most of each day and enjoy life to the fullest. Everywhere you lookyou see happy couples attempting to eat each other at the train stop, old men outside a café loudly discussing politics and slowly sealing their destinies with filterless cigarettes, old ladies hand in hand choosing the fattiest steak or the bloodiest brain at the butcher's, in short, people taking pleasure in every day life and what ever the everyday life has to offer, exciting or not.
All of this has grown on me and I've come to admire. Although there are certain things that the Bordelais can keep to themselves (like blowing one's nose in public and then examining the results as if it were the numbers of tonight's lottery), I think the Icelanders could learn a lot from them. Public toilets free of charge and red wine and cheeses in the IKEA canteen would be a good place to start!
If inspiration seeks me out again, then I will continue in the same manner with A few things I've learned about Icelanders during my exile. So stay tuned....
Over and out,
Good Run
